When relationships fail we are always left with the same question. Why?
He just wasn’t that into you. You wanted somebody else. He cheated. You were too needy. He wasn’t “relationship material”. You wanted to get married. He wanted something casual. You were still in love with your ex. With both of you having busy schedules you weren’t able to spend enough time together. And the list goes on…
There are an infinite number of reasons we tell each other, but in my experience there is really only one reason. One person is more open than the other.
What about incompatibility? Incompatibility is a real reason why relationships fail, you say. Yes, many people get together who are ultimately incompatible, but that is realized very early in the dating process. Well, unless people aren’t being honest about who they are it should be, unless one isn’t open.
By open I don’t mean honest, though that is a big part of it. And I don’t mean honest with each other necessarily, I mean honest with themselves, with yourself. We need to be honest with ourselves to be able to open up to the people we love. We need to be honest about what we want and need and desire. We need to be honest about who we truly are, what drives us and what stalls us.
We aren’t open because we fear others will judge or ridicule us. Maybe if we were all more open we would feel a stronger sense of friendship and unity with people rather than like we are some freak in a sideshow most of the time. We are also afraid the person we are opening up to won’t be as open with us. So what if they aren’t? Oh right, failed relationship. When it comes down to it, so what? If your relationship fails another one will come along eventually. The kicker though, is that unless we learn to be open somewhere along the way our relationships will continue to fail.
If you never open up about your fear of public speaking, will you ever get over it?
If you aren’t open about who you are from the start, who is that person next to you falling in love with? Not you, the real you, obviously.
If you never open up and be honest with yourself about your submissive nature, will you ever find your Dominant match?
If you never open up will you ever truly be happy?
There are many times when I second guess the way I live, with heart on sleeve for the whole world to see and peck away at. If I didn’t leave it out there I wouldn’t keep getting it hurt. But if I kept it locked up and safe who would ever know how beautiful it is, how wonderful it feels to be a part of it? I would rather have my heart broken a hundred times before finding the right one than never to have opened myself up at all.