Have been thinking about this week’s prompt much of the day. Opinion. I can be quite opinionated on any matter of things, so I could tell you my opinion on something. I also like to hear other points of view, so I could ask for yours. I will do both. My topic involves the D/s dynamic.
I did touch on this a short while ago when talking about consent. My friend said he could force whatever he wanted and I would accept it. I said no, he could only force what I allowed him to. I believe both of us are correct.
The truth is that he really can force only what I allow him to, and for him to have control I have to willingly give it to him. He can not forcefully take control, that is abuse and that is not what it is about. It has to be a safe place for both of us.”
Today I was more thinking about whether the Dom takes control or the sub gives it. Doesn’t it have to be a combination of both? I mean, I certainly do give up control, but I won’t give it up to just anyone, and they also have to take it. The consensus I hear most is that it is a subs place to give control to their Dom, or Domme, Master, whatever their dynamic should be. I could offer myself to anyone really, but the fact is they also have to be willing and capable of taking control over what is offered. Also, one can not take more than what is offered to them to take.
I was with a man once who strongly wanted to be the one in control, the one I called Mister. I didn’t feel he was worthy of being called Sir, because he couldn’t take control even when I tried to give it to him, so he never was. He was too unsure of himself and didn’t really have any of the experience he had said he did. His idea of dominance through orgasm control/denial never worked because he couldn’t bring me to orgasm. That’s another story, but obviously it wasn’t the right relationship for me. It did make me question a lot of things though, such as whether or not I was, or could be, a sub. I didn’t have to wait long to find someone who showed me that I could be and was.
Another man I was chatting with rather briefly told me I was to always refer to him as Sir when addressing him. Yes Sir, no Sir, may I please Sir, thank you Sir, and so on. We never met in person or even spoke on the phone, just some online chats and instant messaging. We chatted a bit one day then the next he gave me a list of things I needed to buy to have on hand at my home for when he came over to play. He also told me how my nails were to be groomed and what color polish I was expected to wear how often a mani-pedi was required. I told him he wasn’t my Sir and it would take more than a dozen texts for me to even consider him to be such. He wouldn’t even tell me his name or give me his phone number!
There are so many men out there like him. Men who demand you call them Sir and obey their every command right from the first time you speak with them. Sorry but that shit’s not going to fly with me and it shouldn’t fly with you either. If you are going to let someone else have your control you need to trust them, and they you, that it won’t be taken advantage of and your best interest will always come first. It takes time for that to happen. It takes time to build trust and earn respect. Sometimes it can take only a few meetings, sometimes it can take much longer. Neither is right for everyone, but it isn’t something you should rush into with complete abandon. As with any vanilla relationship, you wouldn’t marry them before you’ve even had a first date, so why would you submit to someone the first time you interact with them?
Click below to check out other’s wicked thoughts this week