This week’s prompt for Wicked Wednesday is training. It was meant to relate to sex but there is more I’d like to say on the topic.
There are many kinds of training we go through during our lives, right from the day we are born. Our parents train us to eat and sleep at certain times, to get up and walk, to talk and use our manners. They teach us, at least they should teach us, to have a sense of self worth that is not based on what others think of us or what possessions we may have. This is one lesson most of us find hard to learn and no matter how many people try to tell us these things don’t matter we can only train ourselves to get past it, to not let those things influence us. It isn’t something someone else can train you to do, it is something we have to figure out on our own. Yes, it does help to have some great role models and older women in our lives who exude that confidence so that we may see it and learn from them.
Aside from constantly having media bombard us with images of what beauty is supposed to be (and not all the “beauty is on the inside” stuff that we know really matters), they also tell us that without the perfect body and flawless skin nobody will want us. If nothing else, I know this isn’t true. I’ve never had any issue meeting men, potential sex or relationship partners, and aside from a select few I’ve always been the one to end things, not them. I touched on this topic in the Body Issue post I wrote when I first started blogging. Even now, a year and a half and more than 250 posts later, it is the most requested piece I’ve written. People want to hear that there isn’t something wrong with them. They want to know that they can have a fulfilling life, including sex, no matter what size and shape they may be.
There was an article I came across on Facebook a couple of days ago, I’m Fat, 40 and Single—And I’ve Been Getting Laid Like Crazy, that made me think of my earlier post again. It also made me think about the real life things I post here now, the pictures and pieces about my submission and sex life in general. The personal things I never thought I would share when I first started blogging. I could have written that article. I’m fat, I’m 41, having a non-monogamous relationship with my Sir, and I’ve been getting a lot of darn good sex in the past few years. I’ve not had an abundance of different sexual partners though, less than ten in the past three years. I did the big casual sex thing twenty years ago. In fact, I had more sexual partners during my first five years of having sex than I have in the past twenty years.
Ok, back on track…
One of the things I found interesting about the I’m Fat, 40 and Single—And I’ve Been Getting Laid Like Crazy article is that she was surprised by the great sex life she is having. She was surprised by the number of men who genuinely found her attractive, even though she described herself as “reasonably pretty, in a natural, low-maintenance, naughty librarian kind of way… fiercely intelligent, deeply hilarious, casually stylish, utterly unselfconscious and really, genuinely nice.” I am not surprised in the least that she has been having this great sexual adventure. Even though she believes these things of herself, she doubted others would see past the not so perfect, not up to media standards, woman she is. She let others influence how she thought she would be seen.
I don’t much care what others think usually. I’m a big girl, I have the caesarian pooch, a scar down the middle of my chest and another on my breast. I have plenty of cellulite and tree-trunk legs. I am soft and have a substantial sized arse. I know these things, am keenly aware of them at times, yet completely oblivious at others. That doesn’t mean that I let them define me, that I let the media and ignorant comments from strangers get to me. I used to. I used to be so very self conscious of all my flaws, especially that big heart surgery scar I’ve been carrying around with me for more than thirty-five years. Now I flaunt them. I flaunt the fact that I am still alive after all I’ve been through and celebrate the life I do have. It took a long time to be able to that. It took a lot of hard work, a lot of effort and practice, to have a sense of self worth based on, well, myself. I think I’ve trained myself well.