I’ve been thinking about MySir all day today. I picked up my phone to talk to him more than a few times. I told him I would give him what he needs though so I didn’t call him or text him. It’s hard. Not doing the one thing I want to do most. Knowing he is there, and available if I pushed it, but not being able to communicate with him because I’m trying to so the right thing and not be a whiny baby. Well, not be a whiny baby to him. I can be one here because this is my blog, my place to be open and free with my thoughts, my desires, my hopes and dreams.
He may read this but I doubt it. Maybe months from now, maybe next year, maybe never. There was a time, when we first met, that he read every single post I had written and he’d ask me questions about them. Then he disappeared and stopped. When he came back late last year things were different. He was different. He no longer read everything and no longer questioned me. Why? I don’t know if it’s because he didn’t want to or that he just didn’t care. And when I say didn’t care I don’t mean about me or what I say. I mean it didn’t matter what I said here because I would tell him all those things anyway.
Now I am laying here and all I can think about is Him and how I can’t share with him right now. I love him and I miss him very much. I want to share everything with him. I want to fall asleep in his arms and wake up to his smile in the morning. I want to hear him laugh and see it in his eyes. One day. Maybe. Hopefully.
I did break down and send him an email though. Something that made me laugh and should make him laugh as well. No words, no conversation, just this link about fishing courtesy of a tweet from @DumbDomme. http://m.imgur.com/DcyPe