Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

IMG_0115-0.PNG

IMG_0063-2.PNG

Then he said something about how I should have been more cautious, how my life would have turned out very differently if I hadn’t allowed myself to get pregnant by “THAT” kind of guy, and that he doesn’t date or even talk to women with “fuck buddies”. Now, I had told him the whole story about my son’s father on a previous occasion so he already knew how long we had been together and known each other. It isn’t something I like to discuss with people and I don’t do it often, but I was trying to be completely open from the beginning and give this guy a chance. You see how well that worked.

IMG_0064

He continued with a spiel about how I have a fuck buddy (which is not what I said), and how I am a “lying POS” because he can’t follow the concept of an open relationship and having a partner who enjoys seeing and hearing about you being with someone else. Nor can he understand that changing a relationship status on social media does not mean it just happened that very second. To be fair, he would not have seen when I deleted my owned status back at the beginning of the summer only when I changed it to unowned more recently. Although, he did ask me out several times before I added the unowned part.

He says he follows my blog and has read a lot of the comments I’ve made on FetLife. Apparently not enough to know anything about me. I suspect he saw that I wrote this blog, along with the pics that I’ve posted, and wanted to be a part of it. He has only called me by my real name two times that I can see. I even responded with his FetLife name once so he could see how stupid it was. He didn’t catch the hint. The one time I met him for a drink he gave himself the moniker Mr Ten. He said ten because he wanted people to think about why it was Mr Ten rather than Mr X.

Well, here you go Mr X, welcome to the blog!

Read Full Post »

Honesty

Honesty. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. It’s the one thing, above all else, that I have always asked of and expected of my partners. Sadly it seems to be the one thing none have been capable of thus far. Why is this? Why is honesty so difficult to provide? Is it because they tell me what they think I want to hear? Or because they don’t want to admit certain truths to themselves? Or to me? Maybe it’s a combination. Maybe there is more to it. I don’t know but I wish I could figure it out.

I don’t just ask for honesty, I give it too. I strive to be as open and honest as possible in every aspect of my life. No, I don’t shout from the rooftops that I am a kinky submissive, but I don’t hide that fact either. And even though I don’t talk to my family about it I’m certain they know to some degree. My mom’s seen things. She isn’t stupid. My brother has ransacked my things trying to find, I don’t know, something he’s misplaced or money to buy more. He’s never mentioned the private things of mine he’s found, even though I know he’s come across them.

I am honest with my partners when they ask me things. I tell them my desires. I share stories of my past. Maybe I am too honest. Maybe because they are still holding back, or because they are used to women holding back, they think that the truths I share are only part if my story. They think I am keeping something more to myself so they keep secrets from me as well.

I don’t care what the reason is I just want it to stop. No, I do care. I wouldn’t be asking you if I didn’t care to know. So tell me. Why is it so difficult for people to be honest with one another?

Read Full Post »

I give people the benefit of the doubt more often than I should. I don’t know why but I’d rather be too trusting, believe the best of people, than to assume the worst and be shown better later. Naive? Maybe. Better for my spirit? I don’t know. Seems I believe in people I shouldn’t, people who are deliberately dishonest, far too often than my fragile heart can handle.

I am also one of those people who jumps heart first into relationships. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If I want you, I’ll tell you. If you make my panties wet, I will tell you that too. If I love you, I will without a doubt tell you. I see no reason in holding back. Why should I? Why should anyone?

I told a girlfriend of mine the other day that I would rather have my heart broken a million times than to never love at all. It’s true. There is a line in a song that says, “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.” And another song that says, “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.” If we don’t put ourselves out there we will never find love and happiness. If we aren’t willing to risk getting hurt we will never find love. If we spend our time trying to keep ourselves from pain and heartache we will miss out on a whole lot of wonderful experiences.

What I need to do is stop putting my everything into something that isn’t right, with someone who doesn’t love me like I love them. The problem is they say the right things and do the right things until one day when I suddenly realize it was just an act or some kind of twisted game and the joke’s on me. I can be a downright fool at times. Especially when it comes to men.

I give chances time and again and still end up in the same spot. No more second chances, and sure as hell no more third chances, because I learned today that nothing you can say or do will ever change the fact of how hurt and broken I became following your actions and lies. Me believing you let me live without pain. It let me have hope. Finding out it was all lies hurt more today than the hell I went through when you disappeared last year. It hurt more because I had hope this time, because I told you I loved you and I meant it.

If I ask you something straight up and you lie to me, I’m done. If you can’t follow your words with corresponding actions, I’m done. Simple. I can’t keep getting my heart broken by a man who does not deserve my heart and my love.

I sit here writing this with tears in my eyes and a hole in my heart that had once been filled with hopes and dreams of a life with you. A hole I never knew was there until it had been filled.

I won’t stop loving or caring for people. I won’t stop jumping in and giving everything I have. I won’t stop believing in people. I just can’t believe in you any longer. I am not your Babydoll. I am not your Pet. You, are not MySir.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

Blogable

When it's in your head, it's blogable

Smut Marathon

Dare to challenge yourself...

Exposing40

Friends. Photography. Adventure.

The Other Livvy

My secret alter ego...

%d bloggers like this: