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Posts Tagged ‘D/s’

Mister S and I were texting the other night as he is currently out of town on business. We weren’t discussing anything serious, just talking about my reminder marks and how we missed each other. Then he asked me if he could play with himself.

“May I play with myself Ms?”

“What’s the rule?” was my response, to which he requested I FaceTime with him. The rule is that he can play if he sends me a picture. Watching in real time was absolutely acceptable, and in some ways preferable. I love to watch and he loves to be watched so it’s a win-win.

I called so we could FaceTime. He quickly walked me through a hallway and into what I am assuming is his room during his stay. Then my view flipped from his handsome face to his cock. I watched as he lay on the bed pulling and tugging and showing his cock off to me. He asked if he could cum and I said no, not yet. We hadn’t done anything like this previously and I wanted to enjoy it.

My “not yet” was ignored, or unable to be followed, and before I knew it he was cumming. I made some comments about how I hated to see his delicious cum go to waste and wished I could clean it all up for him. My view soon changed from his cum covered cock back to his handsome face, for maybe a whole two seconds or so before he thought he heard footsteps approaching and said a quick goodnight.

The entire call was about two minutes from beginning to end and I was left hanging. Which was fine really because I hadn’t brought up my desire to play as well, so he was completely unaware. I can’t fault a guy for not knowing something that I didn’t tell him. I don’t expect him to be a mind reader.

The thing is though, I was pretty much irrelevant to the whole thing. At least that’s how I felt. If he had said he was going to jack off and asked if I wanted to watch I would not have any issue. Him being excited just by me watching would have been fine. I will gladly watch him stroke his cock any day of the week.

My issue is that he asked me if he could play. Then he asked me if he could cum, and yet he came anyway when I told him no. He set my expectation by asking and thereby assuming the submissive role, which put me in the dominant role. And if he wants to be the submissive partner then he needs to listen and abide by what I say. How would he react if he told me to do something while we were playing and I didn’t obey? How would you react to your partner?

I can see your question already. Yes, we switch. Although our main roles are him the Dominant and I the submissive, we do enjoy switching and will do so with each other.

Obviously this was my experience. Mister S may have a completely different view on it, one I will share if he so chooses.

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Owned

I recently updated my relationship status on FetLife to “owned.”

I’ve only had a status up once before, about this time a year ago actually, but it was short lived. I had met a man, a very nice man, and after a few meetings and some discussion we decided to enter into a D/s relationship. There were no romantic feelings though and I need some romance with my D/s. I need to know there is more to it than just scening, than just playing. I am an emotional person. I am a touchy feely person. That’s just who I am and not only can’t I change it, but I don’t want to. I need to have that emotional connection with someone I am going to have an intimate relationship with. Funny thing about the status thing, we never actually saw each other between when I put it up and when I decided it was a no go a few weeks later and removed it.

In addition to that man being out of town and being unable to connect with each other, I met someone else. I met Him actually. We had been following each other on Twitter for a while before we ever chatted with each other, but with that first message he sent we immediately connected. Tomorrow will be one year since he sent me that message asking if I was a Newfie (which I am by the way).

Things haven’t gone swimmingly over the past year. We have spent more of it apart, not communicating at all, than we have together. He pulled away. I met other people, tried to have other relationships. Even so, he was still always with me, in my thoughts, in my heart, a part of me. He owns me. I belong to him, I always have.

Back to this status change.

I now say that I am owned, not by Him specifically, just owned. I may write about my life, my thoughts and things that happen, but he is a rather private person and I respect that. If I didn’t have this blog, and some degree of anonymity with it, nobody would know any of these personal things about me or my life.

I get a fair bit of traffic on FetLife. Much of it is due to me running the local community group and munch. People ask questions and want to connect so that they feel comfortable coming out for the first time. I’m good with these messages. I’m also good with messages from my friends sending jokes or links to things they think I’ll like. It’s all about being social, being part of the community, and helping others.

There are always other messages of course, from men or women or couples looking to hook up and telling me how fantastic I am and occasionally there are messages from men who are genuinely interested in getting to know me. Now, after changing my status from nothing to being owned, the messages from people wanting to hook up or see if there could be something between us have increased. Greatly increased. I was shocked.

What is it about someone saying that they are in a relationship, owned in fact, that says they are looking for something else? Seriously?! I’m not any more active than I was before. If anything I would say I am slightly less active. Why are more people contacting me? I don’t understand. Maybe the saying is true, the one about wanting what they can’t have. Maybe they see that because someone owns me I am worth owning.

The one thing that gets me about all of this, all of the messages, really isn’t the number of them it is that not one of them asked if it was ok to contact me. Not one even acknowledged the fact that I am owned.

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I’ve been reading some posts by Vile recently and was inspired to write one of my own. The posts I found particularly inspiring this week, and ones every sub or slave or those who inspire to be should read, were Warning Signs Of A Fake Dominant and Let Me Tell You Ladies Something. I started writing my post then I received a message from a “Master” on FetLife who I haven’t communicated with in over a year. How apt. I have never met this man or even spoken with him over the phone. I am the owner of the local BDSM group on FetLife and run our local munch. He has never come out to it and I do not know anyone who knows him personally. My inspired post has been put aside for the moment for this; the last few of our messages exchanged on FetLife and the two from today as they were written, although I have altered his user name and removed my phone number.

MasterS: 1Y
u r very safe playing with me , this is a guarantee

I will never exceed ur pain limits and ur submission is pretty well respected , my possible future sub

MasterS: 1Y
ok , will message each other
give ur phone number so i can text message u , n i promise will never call

StellaKiink: 1Y
I will accept you texting…
416-xxx-xxxx

MasterS: 1Y
Great start

MasterS: 1Y
did u get my text messages?

*There was some texting for a very short while after this message. I deleted them and him from my phone not long after. In them he told me how long my fingernails were to be and what color those and my toes should be painted. He told me to have certain things on hand for when he came over. I recall rubber or latex gloves as being one of those things. He also said I was to refer to him as Sir at all times during any and all communication.

MasterS: 58m
why did u stop replying?  (he also sent a text message at the same time which read: hello pretty sub, how is the bdsm lifestyle treating you?)

StellaKiink: now
Honestly, I wasn’t comfortable with the way you were talking to me, having unrealistic expectations when I was not your sub and you not my Sir. Sir is an earned title, not something to be called just because you demand it.

The way I dress or care for myself, what I keep in my bedside table, are for me to decide until, or even if, I choose to give that control to someone else. I am not going to give that control to someone who declines to give me his name and phone number, and a whole lot more personal information, and who I have not formed that relationship with.

Being submissive does not mean I am going to submit to anyone who tells me to. That may work on young, naïve, or even older women who are desperate to find someone and thankful for whoever gives them that attention, women who have no sense of self worth and base their happiness solely on someone telling them they are.

There is a distinct difference between someone who tells me they are a Dom and someone who truly acts and lives as one. You told me you were, you did not act as if you were. Being controlling and dominating does not translate into being a Dominant, not with me. I don’t know if you really have a dominant personality or if you are just trying to overcompensate for some innate fault you think you have. Either way, I don’t care. As the saying goes, there is someone for each of us. You will be the perfect person for someone but that someone is not me.

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