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Reminders

He likes to bite and I love when he does. Like a wild animal tearing into his prey, marking his territory, with wild abandon.

The bruises he leaves behind are my reminders. There are currently a dozen I can see in addition to my bruised derriere and a scratch up my thigh. They remind me of him with every move, every glimpse caught in the mirror. As I touch them with my finger I feel the ache and the memories of how they got there come flooding back. I can’t wait for more.

 

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I’ve missed him the past few days. Still a few more before he returns. Maybe I’ll leave him with a few reminders the next time he has to go out of town.

 

 

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I’ve been wanting to participate in Kink of the Week for a while now but when I remembered to check either the topics were not ones that interested me or I had been too late getting to it. I like that now each topic is open for two weeks. Although, here I am on the evening of the very last day writing my post. Some things will never change!

This week’s topic is dirty talk. First thought that came to mind was the Poison song, Talk Dirty to Me. Interesting thing about that song though is that there is no actual dirty talk in it. It’s all about keeping it private, where nobody else can hear.

‘Cause baby we’ll be
At the drive-in
In the old man’s Ford
Behind the bushes
‘Til I’m screamin’ for more
Down the basement

Lock the cellar door
And baby
Talk dirty to me

I guess that’s the whole point of it though isn’t it? It is “dirty” after all and we wouldn’t want people to think less of us because we like dirty things, indecent and offensive things, or that we at least like talking about them.

I love dirty talk. I love when it is being said to me by my partner during times we are intimate or scening. I love it being growled in my ear or thrown at me accusingly. Next to pinching my nipples dirty talk is the quickest way to get me wet and dripping. I do have a problem with it though. I suck at dishing it out. I know I shouldn’t have any issue with it, but I do. I can say any number of things when writing here but to say it out loud, in person, is beyond difficult.

I think it has to do with the context. When I write something it isn’t real. Well, it can be real, but I’m not really writing for any particular person other than myself. There is no judgment when I say dirty things here. If I write about a character telling her boy toy how she wants to fuck him hard with her strap-on until he begs for mercy, that’s just writing. When I am speaking to my partner it is real. It is face to face, or crotch or ear or back of the head depending on our positioning. I am saying it to a real live person who will respond to my words in that moment. What if he laughs? What if I go too far? It has happened before.

A few years ago I met The Dentist online. It was a dating site and we seemed to hit it of quite well. We talked about all sorts of things, from our families to our sexual preferences. We shared our fantasies and desires with each other. One night while we were texting he asked me to share a fantasy of mine. I shared one, which I wrote about here, and even though he said it sounded erotic at the time he stopped talking to me after that. Eventually we talked again and he admitted that the fantasy was too much for him, he wasn’t that kinky. What he thought was too much I thought was just a beginning.

Dirty Boy is fantastic at dirty talk. FANTASTIC! Once he starts he keeps going until I’ve come completely undone. The dirtier, the more outrageous, the better. It really gets me excited. Names are ok… cunt, slut, whore or whatever… but there’s more to it than that. It’s the context behind the name calling, the story he weaves that goes with it. It’s the “good girls don’t like things like this, but you aren’t a good girl are you, you like these things don’t you” aspect that get’s me going. I couldn’t begin to tell you the things he says because it is always different.

One night recently we were in bed, me naked, him fully dressed, and he started playing with my cunt. I was wet but I wasn’t soaking, dripping wet. He noticed and started in with some dirty talk. I responded right away. My juices began to flow and my clit began to get that tell-tale tingle. Funny enough, I think he started by telling me what a dirty girl I was.




Kink of the Week

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A while back I attended a pussy torture workshop with Artist and Artist Wife at a dungeon studio in Toronto. I had been wanting to visit the studio for some time but things always came up that kept me from going. When I saw the posting for the pussy torture workshop the timing was perfect. My son was away, so I didn’t need to find a sitter, and it was an afternoon workshop. Afternoons are much less stressful that full on evening events when you don’t know anyone there. Yes, I brought Artist and Artist Wife along, but they didn’t know anyone else either.

We made our way downtown and my fellow travelers reminisced about when they used to work at a studio in the same neighborhood. It had been several years and though many things remained the same others were drastically different. The studio address was easily found, the studio itself not so much. We looked around for signs pointing us in the right direction. Nothing. There were several groups of people outside. No help. Then we found a parking spot and figured the studio was the one next to the parking spot. Wrong. One lovely lady finally told us where the studio entrance was. You had to go in one large door, through a group of people who were there chilling (smoking up) and the entrance to the studio was inside to the right. Why couldn’t those guys have been more helpful. Geesh!

Anyways, we finally made our way inside and found some rather nice people and a cool space. It was much smaller than I had anticipated, but that tends to happen. Ask a man about the size of something and see how accurate his measurements are to reality. 😉

The presenter was nice, approachable, and seemed to know her shit. I liked her. Truly. I’d like to hang out with her for an afternoon, one on one. Maybe even visit her dungeon. I just wasn’t that keen on the workshop itself. The majority of it was taken up by an anatomy lesson, Female Anatomy 101. Surprisingly, many women don’t know their own body. I understand that men may require the full on lesson, but I didn’t. I think that it should be a separate workshop on its own, or combined with male anatomy to get a full picture.

She also spent a lot of time on safety. This I really liked because it showed that she cared about the content she was putting out there and does not want to see people getting hurt. One can rarely be too careful when dealing with things that have the possibility of causing great harm. Something as simple as using foods or lotions with sugars in them can cause havoc with ones girly bits.

What I didn’t like was that there were two demo bottoms for her to demonstrate with, along with a variety of implements, and I got nothing from the demo portion of the workshop. I did find a lovely bamboo paddle/trivet with a handle that works amazingly well on her table of torture devices, even made a trip to Ikea to purchase a couple. That was an implement though, not an actual method or way to torture a pussy, and not an implement she demonstrated. I also found an excellent lube, but then I very rarely use any kind of lube. I have a small bottle I purchased upwards of ten years ago that is still more than half full. I didn’t learn anything new regarding the topic I went there to learn about, pussy torture. If anything I left there more frustrated than before I went.

There were a wide variety of  clothes pegs and clamps. She did use some on one of the demo bottoms but only discussed the difference between two types and the sensations each would provide. I think mentioning that the big plastic ones, though not much of a grip, have sharp edges that you want to keep away from certain areas would be important for the beginner to know. She mentioned a zipper (clothes pegs joined with string and applied to a body then pulled off with a tug of the string) but didn’t have one to show us or demonstrate.

One simple thing that I would have liked to see was ways the person being tortured could be positioned. The demo bottoms were sat quite precariously on a rolling metal table. They couldn’t lean back and get comfortable. There was no way they could position themselves in a natural way. Even the demonstrator couldn’t find a good angle to wield a flogger, paddle, or even her own hand. The spanking bench would have been a better platform than the rolling morgue table.

This is not a diss on the presenter. It is my opinion of what I thought of this particular workshop itself. It wasn’t what I had expected, nor was it what I was looking for. That doesn’t mean it isn’t a very helpful workshop for some people. As I said, I quite liked the presenter. I think she has a lot of knowledge to share and I would attend another one of her workshops.

 

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You should always trust your body and it’s limitations. Easily said when you are living a vanilla life, but not so when you enter the world of kink and BDSM. It isn’t that easy because we are may be pushing a limit, some boundary that we want to move beyond or that our Dom wants to help us move beyond. We will engage in activities that cause pain or draw blood, or that generally scare the shit out of us and excite us to no end at the same time. We test ourselves, our Dom’s test us, we test them…. (Yes, we test you. It’s true. Any sub who says they do not or have not tested their Dom is lying.)

The thing is though, that our bodies can only go so far and we need to recognize that before we do great harm. When our endorphins are rushing through us and we start heading off into subspace we can miss or neglect the signs of going to far. This is when you need to trust your Dom to notice the signs for you. When you can’t trust your body, trust your Dom. If you can not trust your Dom then you need to find another.

When your Dom is whipping you and you start to fly you aren’t paying attention to your body heating up or the shakes that start or the fact that you are unable to respond in any comprehensible manner to the pain he is inflicting on your body. Even if we like it, it’s still pain and pain can mean damage. You aren’t paying attention to the signs your body is giving you, but he is. He is checking in with you throughout the scene and notices every little movement and nuance of your body. He knows how it reacts and when it reaches it’s limits.

This means that even though you didn’t use your safe word or get to the point of play that you thought you would, he is going to stop the scene. He should stop the scene. If you are in a public play space or play party and he doesn’t stop the scene a DM will. Keep in mind that just because someone has to step in to stop a scene does not mean that you have a bad Dom. It could be that while you are flying into subspace he is flying into Domspace and not fully aware of the situation. When he is checking in with you during your scene you should be checking on him as well. This way you will notice if he is starting to fly or if he is becoming agitated and you can stop the scene at that time.

I know I said trust your body and if you can’t trust your body trust your Dom, but the reality is we are all human and there may occasionally be times when things happen that we don’t expect or are out of our control. This absolutely must not be the norm. If this becomes the norm you need to find another Dom.

When you aren’t able to trust your body, here are some things your Dom is looking at:

  1. Your breathing – Is your breathing becoming shallow or erratic? Are you having a hard time catching your breath? Maybe you have asthma and an attack is coming.
  2. Your ability to communicate – If you needed to use your safe word, could you? If you can’t communicate verbally are you able to communicate another way?
  3. The sounds you make – Have you stopped making sounds you normally would make? Are you being more vocal than usual?
  4. Your body shaking or lack of movement – How does your body normally react to what he is doing? How is it reacting now?
  5. Your eyes – Are you able to focus on him or something in the room?
  6. Your sense of touch – Do you feel the whip as it makes contact? Are you numb? Is your skin overly sensitive?

These are just a handful of signs your Dom may be looking at. I am by no means an expert on the matter. There can be many more and different signs depending on the dynamics of the people involved and the kind of scene they are having.

 

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MKINYK. My kink is not your kink. Most people say it the other way, your kink is not my kink, or YKINMK. I say mine isn’t yours because mine is what I know about. I don’t know what your kink is. Maybe it is my kink, but likely it isn’t because you’ve never mentioned it to me or taken any interest in mine. Well, in some of mine. You’re probably all about some of them, since many are, but because they are so common place it isn’t really much topic for discussion either.

Is there a point when a kink becomes vanilla? There must be. I mean, some people consider having sex in any position other than missionary kinky. I used to think doggy style was uber kinky (yeah, I was young and naïve ok, give me a break). Now it’s just another position. I used to never suck cock. Never. Ever. I know, you’re shocked. It’s ok, I do it during most sexual encounters now a days. It is quite rare for me not to actually. So although I did consider it a kink at one time I don’t anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it excites the hell out of me, but it isn’t something I would consider a kink. To me it is basically a vanilla activity. I can kink it up though. I can use my fingers, tongue, teeth, even fruit, to add to the basic blowjob technique. You’ve never tried fruit? Come over I’ll demonstrate some time.

Some people consider anal sex to be a kink, either wanting to give it or receive it. Taboo might be another word used to describe it. Although many people do it, there is still a vast majority of people who won’t, or do but just won’t admit it. I quite enjoy it but I don’t do it all the time. For me it is a kink. It isn’t the idea of a nice hard cock in my ass that’s the kinky part. It’s the moment of penetration, the first deep push, when the pain mingles with the pleasure. That’s the kink factor for me, that I love those moments.

My biggest kink, you ask? I’m not sure, probably wax play. I know this isn’t your kink, otherwise you would have obliged me by now. It isn’t something the majority do and there is a pain factor to it. A hot,IMG_4152 soothing, exciting pain. It is definitely a kink of mine. My multitude of pictures with wax dripping over various parts of my body would attest to that. It is also something I have a hard time finding a partner for. Some of the kinkiest of men still seem to have issue with pouring hot wax on me. If finding a partner is such a difficult task its got to be a kink.

Kink is like anything else. Religion, politics, the meaning of life, how you get the caramel inside the Caramilk bar. If we all had the same opinions and experiences what would there be to discuss or learn? I enjoy a good flogging but it isn’t a kink of mine, not yet. I could take it or leave it. It hasn’t sent me to subspace, or even got me close. I actually find myself thinking all sort of odd things when I am being flogged. It’s not my kink but it is a kink of many of my friends. It is a kink of the man who’s flogged me. I like watching him show others techniques to be better at flogging. I like watching someone get flogged. I like learning the differences between floggers and whips and the materials they can be made of. These things interest me and I wouldn’t have known anything about them if it wasn’t for somebody else’s kink.

Being dominant is far from being my kink. A strong, capable Dom is super sexy to me. Sub or slave men are something I don’t quite understand as I consider my role to be the submissive. I was at a party a while back that catered to submissive men. It was interesting to see the variations of their kinks and their submissive or slave natures. At one point two of them were told to worship my feet. It felt nice, but I couldn’t get over the fact that they were kneeling at my feet, massaging and licking, and asking if they were pleasing Mistress. I am no Mistress. That part of it made me feel uncomfortable. Daddy (not my Daddy, I don’t have one) came over and asked me if I would like to fuck one of them. No, was my quick response. Later when he asked me why I had to admit that I like big Domly men and that man isn’t one. He is a nice enough guy, but that just isn’t my kink. It’s fine for him and the women who like it, it just isn’t for me.

MKINYK, YKINMK, and thank heavens it’s not! We’d be a very dull bunch if we all liked the same things now wouldn’t we? Imagine going out to a party where everyone wanted to be bent over a spanking stool. Who would spank them? We’d all be there lining up to be the one getting spanked!


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I Am Not

I am not a brat, though sometimes I act like one.
I push because I want you to be the one who doesn’t take it, the one who makes it past my defense mechanisms.

I am not a baby, but I melt when you call me baby.
It means you cherish me and want to take care of me. It means you will protect me.

I am not a Domme, but I act like one at work.
I am the boss, the one in charge, the one who sets the rules and makes the decisions.

I am a masochist, but I don’t like to be hurt.
I am glad you know the difference.

I am not a slave, though sometimes I act like one.
I like to serve you, to make you happy.

I give you control, but I don’t lose control.
In handing over control to you I am able to just relax and be me, to not worry about all the details.

I am not a pet, but you do own me.
Every orgasm, every part of me belongs to you.

I am not a slut, but I like it when you treat me like one.
I like when you make me do the things I am shy about but deep down really want to do.

I am a submissive, though I don’t always act like one.

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