Posts Tagged ‘me’

She’s a Spy

“All the boys think she’s a spy
She’s got Bette Davis eyes”
~ Jackie DeShannon



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I give people the benefit of the doubt more often than I should. I don’t know why but I’d rather be too trusting, believe the best of people, than to assume the worst and be shown better later. Naive? Maybe. Better for my spirit? I don’t know. Seems I believe in people I shouldn’t, people who are deliberately dishonest, far too often than my fragile heart can handle.

I am also one of those people who jumps heart first into relationships. If I like you, I’ll tell you. If I want you, I’ll tell you. If you make my panties wet, I will tell you that too. If I love you, I will without a doubt tell you. I see no reason in holding back. Why should I? Why should anyone?

I told a girlfriend of mine the other day that I would rather have my heart broken a million times than to never love at all. It’s true. There is a line in a song that says, “I’d rather feel pain than nothing at all.” And another song that says, “I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.” If we don’t put ourselves out there we will never find love and happiness. If we aren’t willing to risk getting hurt we will never find love. If we spend our time trying to keep ourselves from pain and heartache we will miss out on a whole lot of wonderful experiences.

What I need to do is stop putting my everything into something that isn’t right, with someone who doesn’t love me like I love them. The problem is they say the right things and do the right things until one day when I suddenly realize it was just an act or some kind of twisted game and the joke’s on me. I can be a downright fool at times. Especially when it comes to men.

I give chances time and again and still end up in the same spot. No more second chances, and sure as hell no more third chances, because I learned today that nothing you can say or do will ever change the fact of how hurt and broken I became following your actions and lies. Me believing you let me live without pain. It let me have hope. Finding out it was all lies hurt more today than the hell I went through when you disappeared last year. It hurt more because I had hope this time, because I told you I loved you and I meant it.

If I ask you something straight up and you lie to me, I’m done. If you can’t follow your words with corresponding actions, I’m done. Simple. I can’t keep getting my heart broken by a man who does not deserve my heart and my love.

I sit here writing this with tears in my eyes and a hole in my heart that had once been filled with hopes and dreams of a life with you. A hole I never knew was there until it had been filled.

I won’t stop loving or caring for people. I won’t stop jumping in and giving everything I have. I won’t stop believing in people. I just can’t believe in you any longer. I am not your Babydoll. I am not your Pet. You, are not MySir.

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“Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength.”

~ James E. Faust



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TMIT: Pick One




Pick one. You must pick one. You can elaborate on your answer if you want, but you must pick one.


1. Are you male or female or other?
Female. Nearly 100%. LOL…

2. Dog or cat?
Cat. Definitely cat. They are independent and have such attitude at times. If they are pissed at you they let you know it, and if they want some loving they let you know that as well. I used to have a cat, Sammy, and if I was too late getting home from work she would great me at the door, give me a look then turn her back and go ignore me for a while. Then when she’d had enough and wanted some loving she would come out and rub up against my leg at purr looking to be petted and cuddled. That is what I am like.

3. Peanut butter or wasabi peas?
Peanut butter. It is just plain delicious!

4. Group midnight nude swim or mooning strangers?
I’ve done both. I’ve done more mooning of strangers but enjoy the nude midnight swimming more. Give me a calm lake on a warm summer night with a clear sky and a bright moon.

5. Sneaker Pimps or IAMX?
Neither is my cup of tea but I’d have to choose IAMX just because they are reminiscent of some of the bands I listened to in the 80’s. I get hints of Ric Ocasek from The Cars, Pete Burns from Dead or Alive (pre plastic surgery addict of course), Pet Shop Boys, and The Human League. It isn’t so much the music as the esthetic. Plus, I really didn’t like the Sneaker Pimps singer’s voice.

6. Bologna or Braunschweiger?
Bologna. I’m a Newfie and it’s pretty much a staple in the Newfie diet. I don’t eat it so much now but when I was younger we’d have it at least once a week. My Dad used to make a bologna stew occasionally. Yeah, it was about as appetizing as you’d think.

7. Vanilla or kinky?
Kinky all the way!

8. Rocky road or chocolate ice cream?
I’m not really fond of either but if I had to choose it would be the chocolate. Ice cream is the one thing that I love vanilla.

9. Red M&M or green M&M?
Green. I hate the taste of the red dye.

10. Pepsi or Coke?
Again, I don’t drink either of these. If I must choose it will have to be Pepsi. Another Newfie thing. My grandfather was the first Pepsi distributer on the island so I’d have to honor that. Gingerale would be my usual choice.

11. Mini Cooper or Fiat Abarth?
Fiat Abarth. I’ve always liked the Fiat.
fiat vs mini cooper

12. Pleasure or pain? Why? Explain yourself please.
Pleasure caused by pain. Was that an option? Most people know I enjoy pain, but it isn’t the pain for pains sake that I enjoy. It’s that bit of pain that leads to pleasure.

Bonus: Pick one – Participate in the London World Bike Naked Ride or Japan’s Festival of the Steel Phallus, affectionately known as Penis Fest but properly called Kanamara Matsuri?
I’d participate in the London World Bike Naked Ride. Not only because it is held to raise awareness for road safety and caring for our planet, but because I enjoy being naked out in the fresh air. I looked at the “Penis Fest” pic and can’t really see myself parading down the street with a huge fake penis on my head.


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!TMI Tuesday

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I thought this pic of me on the airplane en route to vacation was pretty good…


…until I took this one on my last day there.


It would appear sun and positive temperatures do work wonders.

Click the link below for some pics that are far more sinful than mine this week.
Sinful Sunday

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#78 on my list of 101 things in 1001 days (which has been updated along with this post)

Many years ago I had to write a list of things I was looking for in a partner as part of a school assignment. I was studying natural and alternative health at the time. This particular assignment was for a class on manifesting and the law of attraction. The idea is to cultivate what you want rather than what you don’t want. I’ve looked back at my list over the years and nothing has really changed. Bear in mind that I wrote this list before I learned about BDSM and dominance and submission. I remember showing it to a friend and her first reaction was that there’s an awful lot of sex on this list. LOL… Looking at it now it really doesn’t seem like a lot, although a few of the items make more sense to me now.

Here, in no particular order, is my list:

1. he is a truck man

2. he has strong but gentle hands

3. he loves me

4. he is the man, the dominant one

5. he gives the best hugs

6. he enjoys an active sex life with me

7. he wants to grow old with me

8. he protects me

9. he has faith, not religion, but faith

10. he is a loving person

11. he supports me

12. he believes in me

13. he is smart, educated possibly

14. he enjoys cooking, not just on the barbeque

15. he can disagree with me without it being an issue

16. family is important to him

17. he has a contagious laugh

18. he always kisses me like he means it

19. he smiles when he thinks of me, and I when I think of him

20. he likes to travel and see new places

21. he has his own interests

22. he is a big man, not small or skinny

23. he is at home near the water

24. he is honest and truthful with me

25. he has a strong sense of self

26. he can change a flat tire

27. he is a dog man

28. he is older than me

29. he likes to be silly, have fun and laugh

30. his voice captivates me

31. he believes in non-monogamy

32. he will share outside experiences with me

33. he enjoys the kinkier side of sex

34. he enjoys watching me

35. he is thoughtful, considerate

36. he likes to play games

37. he drinks wine

38. he is patient and understanding

39. he smells good

40. he is creative, artistic to some degree

41. he likes camping

42. he rubs my feet

43. sex, did I mention sex?

Sending wishes for a very happy new year, filled with love and laughter, and maybe a little wickedness. 😉

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Steamy Reflections

Steamy reflections on a cold snowy day.




Click below to see what others are doing on this snowy Sinful Sunday…
Sinful Sunday

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