Posts Tagged ‘real life’


hovering over “picture post” ~ by Artist Wife

We all do this to some degree. We take a picture or two then hmm and ha about whether to post to our profile or send to someone. That is hard enough, but what about us bloggers? What we post is available for the whole world to see should they be so inclined.

The concern isn’t about these pictures being available to anyone at anytime just by a click of a button. It is about whether we would be ok if they knew the pics were of us, our true identities, rather than our blogging alter egos. It’s one thing for Stella Kiink (yes, I am going to refer to myself in the third person, thank you very much) to have her bits on display but what if it were Jane Smith (also not my real name) from the Parent Teacher Association? Would Jane be ok with having her bits posted on the internet? Would she care if the principal of her kids elementary school knew the boobs he was drooling over belonged to little Jimmy’s Mom?

We are all ok with Stella Kiink’s pictures because she is an adult blogger and she’s expressing herself through her words and pictures. Many of the people who view Stella’s blog are generally other bloggers or people who are open-minded enough to know that breasts aren’t pornographic, it’s the way we perceive them that makes them so. We can see the artistry of Stella’s words and pictures. We can relate to her insecurities. We also share her secrets, the one’s Stella shares but are never known in Jane’s world. If we ran into her in the street or at some event we’d likely just say something like great blog or nice post you did for that meme, or I really didn’t like that picture or your arse the other day. We may not like everything that Stella posts but there would be no judgment of her about what she does post.

Would we be ok knowing it was pictures of Jane Smith’s vagina or breasts we were seeing without wanting her kicked off the PTA? Would we be ok reading the stories of her attending play parties or being turned on by pain without having that negate the wonderful parent she is or the valuable contributions she makes to the PTA? Would we be ok with Jane Smith chaperoning our child on a week-long school trip if we knew about the things she did with that young man 17 years her junior? Would we put her in charge of the fall fair if we knew she submitted on bended knee to the man she calls MySir?

You or I would be ok with it, at least I believe we would considering we all have stories that are similar in many ways. We all have parts of ourselves we only show at certain times, with certain people, or on certain media. Many wouldn’t be as understanding though. Too many people are unable to compartmentalize, to separate the different parts of themselves. They assume that because you blog about sex it must be part of every moment of every thing you do. Truth is, it is often on my mind to some degree, but I am quite capable of accomplishing many other things in life that have nothing to do with sex or blogging.

Truth is, the people who would have issue with Jane having pictures of her vajayjay on the internet, they believe that people who participate in a non-vanilla lifestyle are deviants and degenerates. Not because they think we are awful people really, but because they have the same feelings and urges and don’t know how to reconcile them with the good, decent people they are. They have bought into the brainwashing. They have been told that good people don’t do such things for so long that they believe there is something truly wrong with themselves because they do desire those things.

It’s like telling a 100 lb girl that she’s fat. She isn’t of course, but when she is told she is over and over she ends up believing it. She will starve herself until she can’t handle it any more then start binging in secret. That’s what people do who suppress their sexual urges and desires do. They lay judgment on those who freely express and give into their desires while they suppress their own until they can’t any longer and end up doing something very stupid in response. Often they cheat on their spouses, start lying to them and hiding things from them. Men get blowjobs from random women or prostitutes because they’ve married a “good girl” who won’t do that. They don’t even know if their wives would do it because they have no experience and they’ve never asked. Women have affairs with “bad boys” who tell them they’re dirty little sluts, pull their hair, and make them call them Daddy. Somehow these things are more acceptable to them than coming out and being honest about their desires.

What we need to do is stop making other people feel bad for the choices they make and the beliefs they have. Sure, let’s make the murderer feel bad, but not the woman who gets off on having her ass whipped or the man who likes sucking cocks as much as he likes getting his own sucked. We need to stop judging those who live their lives different from us and treating them like they are somehow broken because of their lifestyles. We also need to accept the parts of ourselves that are different, the ones that keep us up at night worrying that somebody might find out. We need to stop hovering and jump in.


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I’ve been thinking about a part if my life I lived many moons ago. The memories sometimes feeling like they happened to another person in another time, sometimes feeling like I lived them just yesterday. The only thing for certain is that I am reminded of them nearly every day. This picture was taken on my way home from picking up my son after work on Thursday. I see it every morning I drop him off at daycare and every evening when I pick him up. Just a tree. Nothing special. Except, it is very special to me and it will be gone soon.

My first love grew up in the house right across the street from this tree. The first time I made love was to him, in that house. I went to tell him I loved him in that house. When I couldn’t deny it any longer, when I had to tell him or I’d burst. I was 17. I thought we’d make love again. We didn’t. Instead, he told me that he had met someone else and it was over with me. I never got to tell him that I loved him. I was completely heartbroken. I left that house, practically ran out of it in tears. I made it across the street to this tree before I broke down, sitting on the ground leaning against this tree and sobbing. I don’t know how long I was there before someone came to take me home. The sun had fallen and shadows crept across the grounds. It seemed the world had shifted, that it had become as sad and gloomy as I.

The person who helped pick me up and get me home was his father. A wonderful man. He passed away on Thursday. Maybe that’s why I stopped when passing this tree, remembering not just the heartbreak I felt at that moment in time but also the kindness of a man who barely knew me then but who would come to mean very much to me in the years that followed. Tomorrow we will celebrate his life and put him to rest. Then on Monday I will watch as the city removes this broken tree, leaving another void that will never be the same.


A different kind of sinful for a different kind of Sunday.


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I have been crazy busy lately. Two major projects at work, some personal projects, and a nearly four year old at home will do that. Generally I love being busy but it is just too much right now. Something’s got to give.

So, work… We are doing an upgrade of our current finance system which, to be honest, is nearly complete crap at the moment. Actually, the system isn’t completely horrible but the version we have is no longer supported and the work-around we have to use it on Windows7 is. We recently upgraded from WindowsXP to Windows7 because XP is not longer being supported. Well, the version of the finance platform we use is no longer supported either and it doesn’t work with Windows7. Fantastic!! Now there’s a big rush on the upgrade all of a sudden because we aren’t able to fully do our jobs since the Windows7 upgrade. Don’t you think they would have done some testing before they did their upgrade? Nope. I need to do all kinds of testing for the smallest things but no, we don’t need to test when doing a major company-wide system upgrade. It’ll all be fine. Ha!

The second work project is to write a new policy & procedures manual and train the field payables teams. This will be a temporary fix no doubt since the system will be changing but I need to get them all following the same procedures and understanding why they need to though, and that can’t wait. Shortly before I started and the company amalgamated the payables teams into one department for all its subsidiaries, they used to run by a “common sense” policy. Since common sense is not so common we have had a lot of issues. It’s one thing to run that way when you are a small family run business but they aren’t that small family business anymore. They have close to 4,000 employees across Canada running a 24/7 operation.

At home things are just about the same stress wise. I am trying to complete the first draft of my novel. It’s a long haul when I don’t have a lot of time to sit and devote to it, and even when I do try to carve out a time the nearly four year old has a way of interrupting. If I could get him to go to sleep at a decent time it wouldn’t be so bad, but lately it’s been 11:00 or later before he settles down and goes to sleep. It’s frigging killing me!

What else is going on? Trying to have a personal life. That’s fluctuates. With MySir so far away we don’t much see each other so are left with the phone and computer to keep us together. It gets lonely. Then I go out with friends and take in the occasional play party or sex partner to get me off and resume some semblance of balance. Getting out to these things takes a lot of planning though so I don’t get to do it as often as I would like. Now, if I could find a sitter who was able to stay well past midnight on a Friday or Saturday night, or even after 9:00 on a week night…

Oh, and I almost forgot about the cottage. Spring cleaning, inside and out, and getting it in shape to sell. Yeah, I’ve got loads of time for that. Not!

So with all these things something has got to give and unfortunately, for now, it will be this blog. I am unable to put forth the material I would like to and if I can’t be proud of the work I do here there is no point in doing it. That doesn’t mean I am giving up on the blog though, to the contrary. I am taking a break from it for a month or so so that I can knock some of those pesky things that are getting in the way off my to do list and focus on the blog the way I want to, the way I should.

I do have several Sinful Sunday posts all ready to go so they will be up each week, and if the posts fit the Wicked Wednesday prompts I will link there as well, but there won’t be any new written content for a while. Rather than just go MIA I thought it best to keep you in the loop and let you all know that I wouldn’t be around for a bit. I hope you understand and will still be here when I return. You all mean so much to me with your encouragement and kind words. I appreciate every friendship this blog has led me to.

No pouty faces, I’ll be back again before long.

Click below to read some very wicked posts that will make up for my lack of wickedness this week

Wicked Wednesday


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I often find myself being influenced by the moods of other people. It’s not bad when the other person is feeling happy or generally good at the time, especially if I’m not feeling particularly great myself, but when they are sad or upset I tend to follow suit. Rather than comforting them or helping in some way, I will become sad or upset as well. I don’t tend to take on much in the way of anger, but it still affects me in a negative way. It’s a real bitch sometimes, I have to say!

It’s not that I become sad about something that is going on in my life. That’s not it. I take on the other persons sadness as if it were my own.

I’m not sure why this happens, but I assume it has something to do with how open I am to the people around me. I don’t put up emotional blockers to keep my personal space protected. I invite people in, pull up a chair, and feed off of them. That sounds a tad cannibalistic, not what I mean. I mean I feed off of their energy, their emotions, their mood.

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I tell people I love that I love them. I tell people I don’t like that I don’t like them. There is too much honestly and straightforwardness at times, I know. I’ve been told more than once.

Last week I made a promise that I would write some new stories. I thought I would have a great week of writing with the boy gone and lots of time to myself. My brain was full of new story ideas and thoughts on finishing up some drafts I had already started. Then shit happens and I am completely off. It is hard to write about erotic, sexy things when you aren’t feeling particularly sexy or confident yourself. Add in more negative thoughts and feelings and it is near impossible.

That is where I was. I was wallowing in sadness and generally feeling blue. Part of it was just me being me, but another part of it was me being concerned for a friend who’s gone AWOL. That was the biggest part. He is someone who has come to mean a great deal to me. When you go months chatting every day, numerous times a day, to nothing it has a major effect on you. It did me. I went through a rollercoaster of emotions.

At first I was pissed off that he couldn’t manage a word all day. Then I was worried that something was wrong as it was very much not like him to be so quiet. Then I tried calling and Kik and found that his phone was disconnected. Ok. So now I figured he had lost his phone or something. No biggie he would get a new one in a day or two. No such luck. Back to worrying, crying, not sleeping. I asked a family member if they had heard from him. No was the response. Asked them if someone could check on him. Nothing. So you know I got pissed off with them then too.

I was sick with worry. Then I realized something. If his family isn’t concerned then why am I all worried and losing sleep over it?

Maybe he does this, falls off the face of the earth occasionally. Maybe. I don’t know. I thought I knew him pretty well. I know there are things he doesn’t tell me, doesn’t tell anyone. Maybe this has something to do with those secrets. Possibly. I really don’t know. It could be any number of things. What I do know is that his family is there, close to him, and they aren’t concerned at all.

How long will he be AWOL? Will he ever come back? I don’t know. Whatever is going on, I know there isn’t anything I can do about it.

I continued sending him little messages each day to keep in touch, to feel like he was there reading them and knowing that I was thinking of him. Kind of silly but it made me feel better, feel connected, and yet somehow it also made me feel worse. Then, Monday, I told him I miss him and stopped.


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TMI – Submission #3

TMI Tuesday time again!


Fill in the blanks.

1. I’m the type of person that likes to be playful in bed. It has to be fun, otherwise there’s no point.

2. If the sexiest person I know propositioned me for sex, I would go with him. He’s the man I want to be with and I think he’s pretty damn hot. 😉

3. The worst part about walking around the house when I am naked is knowing that I am going to have to get dressed eventually. One of these days I am bound to answer the door naked, I just know it. I just hope it ends up being somebody other than my landlord. That’d just be horrid.

4. I regret my first time having sex. I was young and stupid and ended up choosing a very wrong person. Funny thing about it though, I found out much later that he was the cousin of the boyfriend I had a while earlier whom I had planned on losing my virginity with. That time never worked out and my family moved away to another province before we could try again.

5. The last sexual/kinky thing I expected to like was being spanked. I’ve had more than my share of spankings as a child and was surprised to find myself liking it now, as an adult.

6. Recently, I have found myself falling for someone. It is exciting and terrifying and nothing that I expected to happen when he said hi one morning and asked if I was a Newfie.

Bonus:   You have been kidnapped by lesbians and dragged into a lesbian orgy, what are you going to do? I would freak out no doubt. Unless it’s a planned kidnapping…


How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!


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Kinky Dominant Submissive

I am a kinky dominant submissive exhibitionist who enjoys bondage and voyeurism, not vanilla. That quiz cleared everything up!

Why do we do these silly things anyway? Want to know if you and your partner are compatible? Take this quiz. Want to know what you should do when you grow up? Take that quiz. Want to know if you are into BDSM or not? Take this other quiz.

Seriously, you don’t need a quiz to tell you any of those things. If you are taking a quiz to see if you are compatible with your partner, you are obviously not compatible, or you aren’t into it, either way. If you are leaving it up to a quiz to decide what to do when you grow up, you are not taking any kind of responsibility for your choices and will not be happy if you are just choosing what some silly quiz tells you to choose. As for BDSM, you know. If you don’t know, then you aren’t.

The way I see it, there are two kinds of people in this world. Those who eat the same meals every Monday and Thursday, and those who try all kinds of things to see what it is they like. Those who are vanilla and those who aren’t. I subscribe to the try everything philosophy. I wouldn’t know that I liked star fruit, or didn’t like eggplant, unless I tried it. BDSM is a little trickier than that though. There are so many different kinds of kink and levels of submission or domination, and lets not even get into soft and hard limits. Every aspect has so many variables that it may not be as easy as try it once and know.

Take bondage for example. I tried it with one partner and hated it. He used ropes and a gag, and he was more concerned about his own pleasure and needs than if I was doing ok. That experience, like the relationship, didn’t end well. Years later, because it took me that long to try it again, I was with a partner who used cuffs and leather restraints and blindfolded me. I wouldn’t let him use a gag. This is still one of my favorite experiences. He talked to me, reassured me all the way through, and when we finished he held me and gave me the care I needed.

Those two experiences were completely different, but it wasn’t just the partners that made them different. It was me, my experiences leading up to them, my comfort level with my partners, my confidence, and learning that just because I was the one restrained didn’t mean that I had to take whatever my partner decided to dole out. I learned that I have power too.

When restrained my power is in letting go, in being free to relax and let my partner take control. Yes, I said relax. When the restraints go on and I know I am his captive, I relax. My breathing slows, my mind stops racing, and I submit to it completely. Add a blindfold and I am absolutely done for. Power isn’t always about what you can hold over others. Sometimes it is about what you can let go of.

Please check out all the wonderful Wicked Wednesday entries by clicking on the link below:

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After The Whistling

A short follow-up to Dreaded Whistling.

I want to thank everyone for their kind words and understanding. I’ve never been part of a community, or had friends, where I felt comfortable sharing these parts of myself. Funny how I can feel that way when, save one, I have never met any of you wonderful Wicked Wednesday peeps in person and chances are I never will. I’ve seen over these past few months that friendships come in many forms and from many places. Often unexpected. It doesn’t matter that an ocean, or continent, or both, separates us.

My years with Steuart (still not his real name) taught me a lot and even though they didn’t end well I am still glad they happened. They changed me in ways I never knew possible before. I learned what vanilla was and realized that it ain’t me. I learned what I tasted like. As silly as that may sound, there are way too many guys out there who balk at the thought of sharing those lovely mingled tastes. I also learned that I wanted to experience more, just not with him.

It’s taken a lot of years to get back on my feet. I am still trying to find my bearings in many aspects. Being a <cough> 40-year-old single mother to a rambunctious 2-year-old threw a big monkey wrench into my world. But that is one of those things I wouldn’t change for anything.

I still want to have that sex room again. The difference now is that I know myself, I know many of my limits (some soft, some hard), and I know what I am willing to accept from my partner. I have a community to share with now as well. A community to learn from, to support me. Back when I was with Steuart it was just us. We weren’t part of any kink community. I didn’t have anyone to lean on or learn from but him.

Most importantly, there are things that have to come before the room, before the play. Mainly love, respect, and communication. Without those no kind of relationship will ever work.

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