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Posts Tagged ‘subspace’

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You should always trust your body and it’s limitations. Easily said when you are living a vanilla life, but not so when you enter the world of kink and BDSM. It isn’t that easy because we are may be pushing a limit, some boundary that we want to move beyond or that our Dom wants to help us move beyond. We will engage in activities that cause pain or draw blood, or that generally scare the shit out of us and excite us to no end at the same time. We test ourselves, our Dom’s test us, we test them…. (Yes, we test you. It’s true. Any sub who says they do not or have not tested their Dom is lying.)

The thing is though, that our bodies can only go so far and we need to recognize that before we do great harm. When our endorphins are rushing through us and we start heading off into subspace we can miss or neglect the signs of going to far. This is when you need to trust your Dom to notice the signs for you. When you can’t trust your body, trust your Dom. If you can not trust your Dom then you need to find another.

When your Dom is whipping you and you start to fly you aren’t paying attention to your body heating up or the shakes that start or the fact that you are unable to respond in any comprehensible manner to the pain he is inflicting on your body. Even if we like it, it’s still pain and pain can mean damage. You aren’t paying attention to the signs your body is giving you, but he is. He is checking in with you throughout the scene and notices every little movement and nuance of your body. He knows how it reacts and when it reaches it’s limits.

This means that even though you didn’t use your safe word or get to the point of play that you thought you would, he is going to stop the scene. He should stop the scene. If you are in a public play space or play party and he doesn’t stop the scene a DM will. Keep in mind that just because someone has to step in to stop a scene does not mean that you have a bad Dom. It could be that while you are flying into subspace he is flying into Domspace and not fully aware of the situation. When he is checking in with you during your scene you should be checking on him as well. This way you will notice if he is starting to fly or if he is becoming agitated and you can stop the scene at that time.

I know I said trust your body and if you can’t trust your body trust your Dom, but the reality is we are all human and there may occasionally be times when things happen that we don’t expect or are out of our control. This absolutely must not be the norm. If this becomes the norm you need to find another Dom.

When you aren’t able to trust your body, here are some things your Dom is looking at:

  1. Your breathing – Is your breathing becoming shallow or erratic? Are you having a hard time catching your breath? Maybe you have asthma and an attack is coming.
  2. Your ability to communicate – If you needed to use your safe word, could you? If you can’t communicate verbally are you able to communicate another way?
  3. The sounds you make – Have you stopped making sounds you normally would make? Are you being more vocal than usual?
  4. Your body shaking or lack of movement – How does your body normally react to what he is doing? How is it reacting now?
  5. Your eyes – Are you able to focus on him or something in the room?
  6. Your sense of touch – Do you feel the whip as it makes contact? Are you numb? Is your skin overly sensitive?

These are just a handful of signs your Dom may be looking at. I am by no means an expert on the matter. There can be many more and different signs depending on the dynamics of the people involved and the kind of scene they are having.

 

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MKINYK. My kink is not your kink. Most people say it the other way, your kink is not my kink, or YKINMK. I say mine isn’t yours because mine is what I know about. I don’t know what your kink is. Maybe it is my kink, but likely it isn’t because you’ve never mentioned it to me or taken any interest in mine. Well, in some of mine. You’re probably all about some of them, since many are, but because they are so common place it isn’t really much topic for discussion either.

Is there a point when a kink becomes vanilla? There must be. I mean, some people consider having sex in any position other than missionary kinky. I used to think doggy style was uber kinky (yeah, I was young and naïve ok, give me a break). Now it’s just another position. I used to never suck cock. Never. Ever. I know, you’re shocked. It’s ok, I do it during most sexual encounters now a days. It is quite rare for me not to actually. So although I did consider it a kink at one time I don’t anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it excites the hell out of me, but it isn’t something I would consider a kink. To me it is basically a vanilla activity. I can kink it up though. I can use my fingers, tongue, teeth, even fruit, to add to the basic blowjob technique. You’ve never tried fruit? Come over I’ll demonstrate some time.

Some people consider anal sex to be a kink, either wanting to give it or receive it. Taboo might be another word used to describe it. Although many people do it, there is still a vast majority of people who won’t, or do but just won’t admit it. I quite enjoy it but I don’t do it all the time. For me it is a kink. It isn’t the idea of a nice hard cock in my ass that’s the kinky part. It’s the moment of penetration, the first deep push, when the pain mingles with the pleasure. That’s the kink factor for me, that I love those moments.

My biggest kink, you ask? I’m not sure, probably wax play. I know this isn’t your kink, otherwise you would have obliged me by now. It isn’t something the majority do and there is a pain factor to it. A hot,IMG_4152 soothing, exciting pain. It is definitely a kink of mine. My multitude of pictures with wax dripping over various parts of my body would attest to that. It is also something I have a hard time finding a partner for. Some of the kinkiest of men still seem to have issue with pouring hot wax on me. If finding a partner is such a difficult task its got to be a kink.

Kink is like anything else. Religion, politics, the meaning of life, how you get the caramel inside the Caramilk bar. If we all had the same opinions and experiences what would there be to discuss or learn? I enjoy a good flogging but it isn’t a kink of mine, not yet. I could take it or leave it. It hasn’t sent me to subspace, or even got me close. I actually find myself thinking all sort of odd things when I am being flogged. It’s not my kink but it is a kink of many of my friends. It is a kink of the man who’s flogged me. I like watching him show others techniques to be better at flogging. I like watching someone get flogged. I like learning the differences between floggers and whips and the materials they can be made of. These things interest me and I wouldn’t have known anything about them if it wasn’t for somebody else’s kink.

Being dominant is far from being my kink. A strong, capable Dom is super sexy to me. Sub or slave men are something I don’t quite understand as I consider my role to be the submissive. I was at a party a while back that catered to submissive men. It was interesting to see the variations of their kinks and their submissive or slave natures. At one point two of them were told to worship my feet. It felt nice, but I couldn’t get over the fact that they were kneeling at my feet, massaging and licking, and asking if they were pleasing Mistress. I am no Mistress. That part of it made me feel uncomfortable. Daddy (not my Daddy, I don’t have one) came over and asked me if I would like to fuck one of them. No, was my quick response. Later when he asked me why I had to admit that I like big Domly men and that man isn’t one. He is a nice enough guy, but that just isn’t my kink. It’s fine for him and the women who like it, it just isn’t for me.

MKINYK, YKINMK, and thank heavens it’s not! We’d be a very dull bunch if we all liked the same things now wouldn’t we? Imagine going out to a party where everyone wanted to be bent over a spanking stool. Who would spank them? We’d all be there lining up to be the one getting spanked!


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Need

need / nēd
verb
verb: need; 3rd person present: needs; past tense: needed; past participle: needed; gerund or present participle: needing; modal verb: need
  1. 1.
    require (something) because it is essential or very important. “I need help now”
    not want to be subjected to something. “I don’t need your sarcasm”
  2. 2.
    expressing necessity or obligation. “need I say more?”
  3. 3.
    archaic be necessary. “lest you, even more than needs, embitter our parting”
noun
noun: need; plural noun: needs
  1. 1.
    circumstances in which something is necessary, or that require some course of action; necessity. “the basic human need for food”
  2. 2.
    a thing that is required. “his day-to-day needs”

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    “I want you to hold me, to hurt me, and to comfort me when you are done.”

    That is what I told Him today. I lied. I don’t want it, I need it.

    Just as He needs to give a beating, I need to take one.

    I need to be spanked or flogged or beaten, maybe all three, maybe more.

    I need to feel pain beyond the pleasure, until it subsides and sends me off into peaceful subspace.

    I need my brain to shut down, to reset itself.

    I need to fight and cry and scream.

    I need to release what has built up, what I have held on to for far too long.

    I need to be punished, for something, I don’t even know what.

    I can’t do it myself.

    I try, but there is only so much one can inflict on oneself before self preservation kicks in and it stops.

    I can’t hurt myself the way I need to be hurt.

    I can’t cause the pain that needs to be felt.

    I can’t let go without being forced to, without knowing there will be comfort once I do.

    I can’t explain it, rationalize it.

    I just know, innately, this is something that I need.

    I don’t want you to hold me, to hurt me, or to comfort me when you are done.

    I need you to.

    I need you to hold me.

    I need you to hurt me, to bring tears, to have me beg.

    I need you to comfort me, to make a safe space for me.

    I need you to make me do what I can not do myself.

    I don’t want you to.

    I need you to.

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