Posts Tagged ‘truth’

He asked me many months ago what submission meant to me. You can read my response HERE. That was ten months ago and a lot, yet at the same time very little, has changed since then. So, He asked me again… What does submission mean to you?

I said it means finding my home.

At home you are your true self. There are no roles to play or people to impress. We don’t wear the masks we show to the world when we are at home. Home is where we feel safe, where we find comfort.

He said it is the actions that define you as Dominant or submissive, not the feeling or intent. It is a choice, He says, the choice to no longer need to choose.

Wouldn’t it be nice to be your true self, to feel safe and at home all the time? To not have to hide any part of who you are? Yes it is a feeling, but it is also action. Dropping your mask is an action. Being true to you, rather than playing a role, is an action. Submitting is an action. I wouldn’t say being submissive is a choice but I would say that offering your submission to someone is.

I always consider how something feels not necessarily what it may look like or the logistics of it. I do agree with him that it is our actions which define us, but our actions do not matter if there is not feeling and intent behind them and the feeling and intent is not genuine.

Let’s consider what he said for a moment with the following scenarios…

Mary is married to Bob. He works at the local credit union and she at the high school. Mary comes home from work each day and cooks a hot dinner for her and Bob. She has his slippers at the door, the day’s paper on the side table of his favourite chair, and Channel 4 news on the television ready for him. A scotch will accompany the paper on days he has indicated one is needed. She has a hot bath each evening before bed then, while her husband has his shower, she lay waiting for him to come take her. Afterward, she will clean him with her mouth before he falls asleep.


June lives with her boyfriend Robby. They have been together a few years and have an open relationship. They frequent a local swingers club where, on most nights, June plays while Robby watches. June always wears her collar when they go out and follows Robby’s rule, eye contact to no one. He chooses the playmates and their activity. He has a proclivity for redheads and big men who like fucking June’s pretty little ass.

On the surface these both look like D/s relationships, their actions suggest as such. They could be, but they may not be. We would need to know the feeling and intent behind the actions to determine that.

Does Mary do those things for Bob because it pleases her to please him? Does she lick him clean because she enjoys it? Or does she play the good little submissive wife because that’s what she’s been taught to do? Does she feel like screaming because she is living a life she does not want? Would she rather greet him when he comes home kneeling naked on the floor with her bare ass to him and have him fuck her from behind with his shoes still on?

Does June enjoy having an open relationship or does she accept it because that’s what Robby wants and she’d rather put up with that than be alone? Does the collar mean anything to her or was she just told she had to wear it? Does Robby choose redheads because he knows June likes them and wants her to enjoy the experience? Or does he do it because he knows she doesn’t like redheads so wouldn’t likely leave him for one he lets her play with? Does June watch Robby when other guys fuck her? Does she get excited by his reactions, does she look him in the eye, enjoy his excitement?

There is much more to Domination and submission than just the actions. You have to go beyond the actions to the feelings and intent. There has to be desire and willingness. There needs to be genuine thoughtful action, feeling, and intent.  It has to feel right, like home.

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Double Heart

I am so very angry and disappointed in my friend. You could say friend. Though I am certain that after seventeen years he is no longer going to be one. This is my story of him, not his story. It is not about religion, not really, though it is a part of it. For me it is about a person’s character, being honest about who you are rather than trying to pretend to the world you are someone different. It’s about my friend being a double heart.

I met Max when I was fresh out of school and working my first office job. He was one of my customers. Always charismatic and flirtatious, but married and the same age as my father so that was where it ended. We got along well and went for lunch, drinks, and the scattered game of snooker over the years. Even after I left that job and he moved on to different businesses we continued to stay in touch.

That is until he fell off the face of the earth back in 2005. Turns out he is a bit of a reactionary and pulled a splitserooni on his family life in Toronto. He got up one morning, said good-bye to his wife and daughter then headed to the office as usual. Once there he called a cab and off to the airport to catch the next flight to California. Just him, his briefcase, and a bag. Not a word to anyone.

One day, over five years later, I received a message from him on a social media site, completely out of the blue. It was so nice to be back in touch with my old friend. He had come back to Canada after the death of his Mother. We reconnected and he told me all about his years back in California and why he up and left that day. He soon got a sales job but had a hard time making it work. This spring he was still struggling with it and had not been able to make any headway in reconnecting with his daughter.

I understood his leaving, at least I did from what he told me about it. I also understood his daughter not wanting to have anything to do with him after completely abandoning her for five years. To one day up and leave, and her knowing that he chose to just walk away from her, I wouldn’t be eager to have a relationship with him again either. He is the one that needed to work at that, but he didn’t.

Earlier this year I received an email message from Max indicating that he was going to “pull an Abraham.” I had no idea what that meant until I continued to read his message. In essence he had quit his job, gave up his apartment, and was about to embark on a journey witnessing to people at marinas. People who lived on their boats, or did for much of the year at least, and did not have anyone witnessing to them.  (My words or phrasing may not be exactly right as I am not a Jehovah’s Witness. I do know a little about it, as I do a lot of religions, but I do not subscribe to any of them.) He was adamant that he wasn’t crazy and no authorities need be called to come take him away to a psychiatric facility.

What I found odd was, not the fact that he was going to be doing this, but that I had known him for seventeen years and had absolutely no idea he was a Jehovah’s Witness. My understanding, and this may be flawed, but my understanding is that you are required, in essence, to share their beliefs, to go out and spread the word of Jehovah to others. In all these years I have known him, Max has never once said a word to me about religion in any sense. He never said he was a Witness. He never asked me if I had a relationship with God or what my beliefs were.

Early last month I received another crazy email from Max. This time he talked about how he had gotten several fines for not wearing a seatbelt, not having his truck properly licensed, and failing to have any insurance on it. (After being back in Canada for more than two years his truck still had California plates.) He said he had gone to court to fight the tickets and a “redneck” judge told him that he is in Canada now and he needs to follow the law, that the charges against him could result in a very hefty fine, and that he should get a lawyer and return to court at a the end of the month.

Seems Max didn’t like that and he was planning on bailing on the whole thing and crossing the border back into the United States on the day before his next court appearance. He was running again! I couldn’t believe it. Over some driving fines? I asked him if he was seriously bailing again. His response was this: “Let me ask you a question. If you could be faced by a red-neck court judge that has the ability to charge you with a fine five times more than what is in your savings account, where would you be on the day of court? More importantly, how is your study in the bible coming?


For me that isn’t even a question. I’d be in court. Simple. If I broke the law, regardless of what my understanding of the law was, I would own up to it and deal with whatever the consequence was. Seeing I’ve got practically nothing in my savings account any fines levied would be more than what I have. My fault, my problem to deal with. Running away won’t fix it. Besides, this is my home, I don’t have another one in another country to run away to.

As for my study of the bible, I’ve studied it plenty over the years. He just never knew about it before. Just like it took seventeen years for me to learn he was a Jehovah’s Witness. Supposedly. I don’t think for one second that he truly believes in his Jehovah or any of the things he was out witnessing about. If he did believe in what he was preaching he wouldn’t continue running away from his problems time and again. I think he is selfish, dishonest, and immoral.

I don’t believe in what he was preaching either, but I don’t claim to, and I am not out trying to make other people believe it.

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